“The sun left its heavenly fingerprints all over me, like it had stained a brush with dark taupe watercolor paint and stained my skin,” Paltrow wrote
Gwenyth Paltrow is celebrating her 50th birthday on September 27th and has decided to take Goop to look back over the last five decades and carefully select her most important insights. “I have strangely no sense of the passage of time. I’m just as connected to that sense of longing, of promise — the promise of doom, of ebbing — as I was 30 years ago,” she wrote.
“But there’s something about the sweetness of life that exists deep within me that’s unchanged, that won’t change. It is the essence of the essence. It seems to be getting cuter,” she added. The businesswoman revealed how intrigued she is by the “map of evidence” that has been given to her over the past 49 years.
“A collection of marks and irregularities that dog-ears the chapters. Scars from furnace fires, a finger smashed in a window long ago, the birth of a child. Silver hair and fine lines. The sun left its heavenly fingerprints all over me, as if it had dipped a brush in dark taupe watercolor and sprinkled it all over my skin,” she wrote.
Although Paltrow has become well known in the wellness industry for her yoni jade eggs and scented vagina candles, she admitted she didn’t want to stop the signs of aging. “As I do what I can to strive for good health and long life, stave off weakening muscles and bone loss, I have a mantra to inject into those reckless thoughts that try to derail me: Me accept. I accept the marks and the loosening skin, the wrinkles. I accept my body and let go of the need to be perfect, to look perfect, to defy gravity, to defy logic, to defy humanity. I accept my humanity,” she said.
Paltrow claims that as she moves toward the figurative hill, she discovered new levels of self-awareness, explaining what she wrote: “I may be moving out of this sense of the cumulative just in time. It is replaced by a consciousness that is difficult to define. A consciousness that lives somewhere between the physical chapters of my life, the data points of what I’ve done and where I’ve been, and the energy of life itself.”
However, she doesn’t tend to dwell on the “shoulds” of life, no matter how enlightening and important her time for reflection was. “I’m not sure I believe in going back in time to correct mistakes; each of those sleepless hours that came from one of those transgressions against myself or others has led to something. Something useful I hope. If nothing else, they have set me down a path of questioning in search of a better version of myself,” she wrote.
Paltrow admits that she would like to encourage her younger self not to shy away from setting firm boundaries in life. “People often ask, ‘If you could go back to your 21-year-old self and give her some advice…’ Well, I would know my limits and hold on to them more tightly than I do to my life itself. And yet, perhaps the more important question is, what I’m going to do in the future,” she continued.
At the end of her reflection on the past few years, she wrote: “I would like to withdraw a little. I want to shrink my circle. I want to cook more dinners. I want misunderstandings to become understandings. I want to keep opening the deepest part of me to my man, even if it scares me. I would like to sing more, even if it’s just in the shower. I want to tell anyone who has had a negative experience with me that I’m sorry, I want to acknowledge myself fully, I’m imperfect, I can switch off and turn to ice, I have no patience, I scold other drivers, I don’t close my closet doors, I lie when I don’t want to hurt feelings. I’m also generous and funny. I’m smart and brave. I am a seeker and I can take you with me on my quest for meaning. When I love you you will feel it surround you through time and space and to the ends of the earth. I am all of that.”
Paltrow has set himself as the inspirational figure for what 50 should be like and how the dilemmas that come with it should be managed. She is actively interested in learning from the pros and cons of the past and taking them with her as she moves into the future. Paltrow intends to feel full of life and acceptance of herself and all that her life has been.